You are part of a large and complicated family. The family is divided into factions none of which are willing to talk to the others. The one thing most factions agree on is that they do not like the family’s rich and self-centred matriarch. Which is why no one was upset when she died three days ago.

Today, you have been invited to a formal family dinner where the details of the old cow’s will shall be made known. She hopes, the invite says, to reunite her family. The footnote says “those who fail to attend inherit nothing”.

The coming week, you suspect, is going to be a difficult one.